a mother's woes

Allan was a 31 year old male, whom I admitted due to persistent abdominal pain. He is married with a 1 year old son, previously worked as an office employee until this illness which made him stop working. He was admitted in the hospital accomapnied by his wife and mother for a 2 month history of abdominal pain.

When Allan first experienced the pain, he noticed it was more on the right side of his stomach. Initially it was tolerable although his appetite already decreased.

As the days progressed, the pain became more severe that he cannot tolerate to eat anything. He was then admitted in the hospital for work-up.

An ultrasound of the abdomen was done which showed multiple liver masses. His liver was not large nor was there any fluid (ascites) in his stomach. He underwent triphasic ct scan of the abdomen which further showed the multiple liver masses to be more defined.

At age 31, with a wife and a son, still able to walk, and talk, and do all his activities, with the only complaint of abdominal pain, Allan was diagnosed with advance liver cancer.

He was already admitted for 5 days when his attending physician committed to this diagnosis. One day, I accompanied his doctor during rounds. His wife and mother were beside his bed as always. After the examination, we went outside and we were followed by Allan's mother. "Doc, ano po ba talaga ang sakit ni Allan? Gagaling pa po ba sya? (Doc, what is Allan's illness? Will he still be cured)". "Meron po syang liver cancer. At ito po ay advance na. Wala na pong gamot ito. (He has liver cancer. And it is advanced. There is no cure for this.)".

And just like that, in front of us, still with some shyness as she was apologizing and trying to laugh at the same time, the mother had tears falling down her cheeks. "Pasensya na po. Di ko po maintindihan kasi magaling naman po sya noon at malakas. Sumakit lang po ang tiyan nya. At ngayon may cancer na sya. may magagawa pa po ba tayo? (My apologies. I cannot understand because he was well before and strong. He just had some stomach ache and now he has cancer. Is there anything that can be done?)". "Hindi na po natin maalis ang cancer. Mabibigyan na lang po natin sya ng gamot para sa sakit ng tiyan at para suportahan ang sistema nya. (We cannot remove the cancer anymore. We can only give him meds for the stomach pain and supportive measures)".

And more tears fell down the mother cheeks. She tried to digest everything the doctor was saying but I can see how much difficulty she had accepting everything. When we thought that the pause was already long, then came the most difficult question that the mother was aching to ask, "doc, tapatin nyo po ako. Gaano na lang po itatagal ng anak ko? (doc, be honest with me. How long will my son live?)". "Dahil advance na po ang cancer nya, maaring meron na lang syang 3 hanggang 6 na buwan. Pwede pang umabot hanggang 1 taon pag bigyan natin ng gamot pero walang kasiguraduhan (because his cancer is already advanced, he may only have 3 to 6 months to live. It may extend up to 1 year with some meds but we cannot assure this)".

And just like that, the laugh disappeared. The shyness disappered. And the mother was just crying in front of us.

I watched this whole scene from the side and I was wondering what would have been going through the mother's mind at that time when the doctor told her that her son has less than a year to live. Did she believe him, and accepted everything, knowing that her son was just lying in bed, able to walk and talk, no disabilities, with just a painful stomach? Did she want to argue and contest how can that be possible for someone so young and strong to already be dying? Did she want to beg to have the doctor change what he just said or come up with a miracle drug that will cure her son?

guardian.co.uk

I have no idea what was going through the mother's mind. She just stood there. Tears falling down her face. "Salamat po doc. Pwede po kayo na lang magsabi sa anak ko at asawa nya kasi di ko kayang sabihin? (thank you doc. Will you please tell my son and his wife because I cannot do it?)". And with a nod, the mother said thank you again and walked back to his son's room.

March 23, 2012

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"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-- Agatha Christie