Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Week 1: survive

prayers and mass

friends near and far

a moral compass

a down's syndrome patient asking for prayers

a girl crying in the chapel while praying

a reflex glance at black cars

avoiding eye contact

daily morning greetings

nightly conversations to smile and laugh

a sparkle in the eyes

maybe, i can live another week

week 1: survive

22 january 2014

----------o0o----------

But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.

prayers for strangers

I was in the adoration chapel, praying for God's mercy, tears welling up in my eyes. I committed to pray the rosary especially when i feel like crying. At least this way, my eyes and lips get to do something worthwhile. After the sign of the cross, i stood up, went to get my shoes, then i heard a woman's voice calling "Miss, miss". A reflex to such impersonal recognition, i looked at her. She was cradling her son, who had Down's syndrome. "Yes po?", i politely asked her, half expecting her to ask for alms. "Miss, makiusap lang po ako. Ipag-pray nyo naman po ang anak ko na sana matanggap sya sa Down's syndrome society. Marami po kasing benefits dun." That took a while to register until i told her, "opo ma'am. Isasama ko po sya sa dasal ko parati". "Salamat po" was her joyful reply.

I was still processing what happened. And what could that have meant at this time of my life. I went to hear mass after. At the end of the mass, i sat down for a while. Collecting my thoughts, trying to control my own sorrows, when i heard someone sniffling. I looked to my left and kneeling on the next row of pews was a girl, crying and praying. I have seen and been through such depression, and i know how one can be left hopeless enough to succumb to crying while praying. I can feel her heart's pain as she wipes down every tear that falls on her cheek. I am not sure if i should approach her or leave her in her solitude. Helpless as she is, i knelt down and prayed to God to have mercy on her and to ease her pain.

It's been more than a week and i have been praying for God to have mercy on me and to show me miracles. But each time i do, i tend to believe that  these two strangers are my miracles. I pray for them daily and may God show them His mercy.

22 january 2014

----------o0o----------

Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.
---C.S. Lewis



Wednesday, January 15, 2014

insanity in a day

days of tears and sadness, when as if the world has left me with nothing

then comes a ray of sunshine, simple meetings, simple messages, that unexpectedly made me smile

as my head lingers above the clouds, a vision pulls me back to reality, reminding me that my grief has not ended

attempts to break away from the harshness of pain blurs my mind to the little joys that surround me

until i hear that beep, asking me, and giving me once again that funny flutter of butterflies in my stomach

is it too soon? is it too fast?

is it time to go through this again?

i do not know.

swirling in my head are the ups and downs of emotions that is driving me insane

do i have to choose now?

16 january 2014

----------o0o----------