pursuing happiness

It is only now, at 32, when i found myself thinking if i have really been happy.

Four years of high school, 4 years of college, 5 years of med school, 3 years of residency, i found myself hanging on to the security of continuing education with the fear of change.

Six years of earning on my own, i enjoyed the perks of having my own money to spend for some luxury and for that sense of fun and freedom

Eleven years out of college, i started my independence, in the process, looking for that ultimate happiness- career, education, relationships. Lots of ups. But lots of failures as well.

Now, in my third year of residency, my third vacation during residency, i found myself thinking, have i really pursued my happiness?

Met with friends and relatives who took us to good places to eat- restaurants, large buffets, that i just had to stuff myself with all i can see and finish everything off (so glad i don't gain much weight). Ahh, why haven't i tried this before?

I found myself in a vegas hotel room, waking under a warm blanket late in the morning, with the view of the strip. Ahh why haven't i done this before?

Went out to the outlet shops and goodness! I never thought such can be that cheap. Ahh why haven't i bought much stuff before?

In a party in LA, there was this cute puppy who is just so gorgeous! Mumu is your ultinate toydog, ultimate companion. Ahh, why haven't i had one of these

In the same party, my cousin brought her 8-month old baby girl, carried her in my arms. tried to pacify her crying (well she doesn't know me), and eventually she did. made her laugh, and i laughed with her. Ahh, why do i not have one of these?

At 32, i thought i would have done a lot but i realized, i have a lot more years to spend looking for happiness.

Maybe i'm living my life wrong.

Life is short. I choose happiness. Let go of sadness or anything that will just lead to that.

With that in mind (and not stepping on anyone's toes), i can never go wrong.

Be happy.

love quotes from children

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired -terri 4yo

Love is what's in the room with you at christmas if you stop opening presents and listen -bobby 7yo

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate -nikka 6yo

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt then he wears it everyday -noelle 7yo

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day -mary ann 4yo

You really shouldn't say "i love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget -jessica 8yo

health from the eyes of a citizen

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”--- World Health Organization

The 1978 Alma Ata Declaration stresses the importance of health as an essential human right. It also recognizes the existence of inequalities in health, especially between developed and developing countries.

figment of my imagination

<<4:00AM>>


i can feel your face
but i can't touch your skin.
i can hear your voice,
but i cannot see your lips.
i'm enchanted by your scent,
even when there's nothing i can smell.
i'm awed by your words,
even when you haven't spoken a thing.
i long for your embrace,
but you're nowhere around me.
i long for your presence,
but you are unreal.


October 4, 2006

kasamaproject.or

best served cold

I am about to enter the lion’s lair
And I am the beast who will feed on his roar
The anger I devour grows in me
Strengthening me
Even as my innards are pulled out of my mouth
As he feasts on my insides,
I give him the poison of that he thought was a friend
And little by little,
as I watch him die,
be killed slowly by my loathing,
A mischievous smirk creeps on my lips
Signifying my victory
in this plotted revenge




---5 January 2007---

Innovating Genomics: The Opportunities for Healthcare through Genomic Medicine

“Never before in history has innovation offered promise of so much to so many in so short a time.” 

--Bill Gates, American Entrepreneur and Founder of Microsoft Co.

Past the era of inventions, the human mind has surpassed what used to be unreachable- from wood fire to a portable stove, from herbs to vaccines, from the sea to the moon. It may seem that the homosapiens have exceeded that which the mind can offer, have manifested all ideas and exhausted that which the human mind can create. And from a narrow point of view, what is then left for the human race?

abandoned

I heard on the news that a baby was found wrapped in a plastic bag, hanged on a tree. The people of the neighborhood came across the child because they heard a cry somewhere and followed it. Lucky that the baby was still alive. But thinking about this, whoever left her there, left her for dead. How can a mother have done such a thing?

closing cycles by paulo coelho

illustration by ken crane

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

surrender

My day started as if I’m in a different environment.  For just one day, I tried to forget that I’m a medical student.  Today, I came to UP med feeling a different sense of confidence.  For just a day, I broke away from the drab of the white uniform and went along with my artistic, innovative costumes for today’s performance.  Yes, for just this time.  I became someone else.

helpless

At the wee hour of 6 AM, I was stirred awake from the sleep I’ve been trying to get hold of. A state of panic had enveloped our community as I woke up in a nightmare of a tragedy.

a mother's woes

Allan was a 31 year old male, whom I admitted due to persistent abdominal pain. He is married with a 1 year old son, previously worked as an office employee until this illness which made him stop working. He was admitted in the hospital accomapnied by his wife and mother for a 2 month history of abdominal pain.

in prayer

As i walked through the male ward of internal medicine, i saw a patient sitting at the side of his bed, head bowed in silent prayer, beside him was a priest. It was one of the most solemn scenes i have witnessed.

desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

kailan ka susuko?

May ilang beses ko na ring nadaanan ang kwarto ni ate ligaya para kamustahin ang kanyang pakiramdam.

dreamers and realists

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world.

the zahir by paulo coehlo

until one morning i'll wake up and find i'm thinking about something else and then i'll know the worst is over.

my restless feet

i'm crying from the pain creeping up my body
i'm hurting from the distortion i try to fit in myself

blessed

When it rains, it pours.

And how the rain pours.  I hate it when bad luck has her eyes on me… who does?  But somehow, she seemed to have me as the focus of her attention lately.  Her eyes just got hooked and I’m wishing hard that she’ll soon divert her attention to someone well-deserving of it.

words from my angels

(**the names are concealed to keep the anonymity of my angels. but i do hope that when they read this, they'll know it's about them and how much their words mean to me)

the will of a puppeteer

Have you ever felt so sad that your whole body reacted in the most unusual way?

letting go

I accompanied a patient in the ICU as he was to have an electroencephalogram or EEG done. The purpose of which is for prognostication- to know if the patient still has some brain function or if he is already brain dead.

stop and feel

I had my clinic today. Not much patients plus I had the help of a very smart intern.

One of my continuity patients I saw was someone I have seen for more than 2 years. I remember her the first time, she was a symptom salad, meaning she always had something to complain. There is always something wrong with her body. There is always something painful. But whenever I do a physical examination, it is always normal. It came to a point that she was dictating the examination she wanted done. Just so I'll get her off my back, they were done- lab exams, imaging, even if it's not cost effective.

between strangers

Two strangers gave me advice on love today.

One was a patient beside me who was waiting for almost 3 hours to see his cardiologist. He is a Filipino, but a retired US employee. He came back here in the Philippines when he retired and he is staying here for good even if he is a US citizen. By force of habit I asked him if is it because of his family. His reply was a very polite "unfortunately, I'm divorced." He told me that his wife is a Filipina but they met in the US and they have a child. But he must be unlucky in love. And he wishes that I will not suffer the same fate as his.

introduction

my life outside the hospital is practically non-existent since i started residency training in internal medicine... or so i thought...

the hospital provided me with a lot of venues to meet different kinds of people- from the familiar to the strangers, from the patients to the big shot specialists, from enemies to friends, from demons to angels.

it took me a while (but luckily i still was able to see it), but i learned from all of them. not the things i can read from books. it is those things that are not written and yet i find them more important in my life.

and so, here is a page for my stories- about the people i have met, places i have gone, events i have lived through, and how they changed my life, in one way or the other.

February 27, 2012


"If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up."
--J.M. Power